Existential Horse
Charcoal / S
$25.99
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Existential Horse
$25.99
| S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | 4XL | 5XL | |
| Width, in | 18.00 | 20.00 | 22.00 | 24.00 | 26.00 | 28.00 | 30.00 | 32.00 |
| Length, in | 28.00 | 29.00 | 30.00 | 31.00 | 32.00 | 33.00 | 34.00 | 35.00 |
| Sleeve length (from center back), in | 15.10 | 16.50 | 18.00 | 19.50 | 21.00 | 22.40 | 23.70 | 25.00 |
| Size tolerance, in | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 |
You wake up at 3 PM, open your eyes to the ceiling fan doing its existential spin. Check phone: 47 unread DMs from people you ghosted in 2022. Scroll past them. Open Notes app. One word typed three years ago: "horse."
Close the app. Stare at the wall. Realize the horse has been living rent-free in your head since that random beach trip you barely remember. Not a metaphor. Literal horse. Standing there on the wet sand like it paid off the ocean. No explanation. No rider. Just vibes and salt air.
You Google "why do horses appear in liminal dreams" at 4 AM. Reddit says you're projecting abandonment issues. TikTok says it's a sign to quit your job. Your therapist (the one you pay $200/session to say "and how does that make you feel?") says it's unresolved childhood stuff.
You decide it's none of that. The horse is simply there to remind you: life is a beach with no lifeguard, one random donkey shows up, stares into your soul, then dips back into the tide. No plot twist. No deeper meaning. Just a horse doing horse things while the universe keeps buffering.
Wear this shirt. Let strangers ask "what's with the horse?" You shrug. "Exactly." Aura preserved. Questions unanswered. Horse eternal. Buy before it walks off the shirt, too.
Product features
- 100% cotton solid colors with medium-weight 180 g/m² fabric for year-round comfort
- Tubular knit (no side seams) for a cleaner look and reduced fabric waste
- Ribbed knit collar and shoulder tape for shape retention and reduced stretching
- Dual printing: DTF for sleeve/neck details and DTG for the main chest image for crisp, detailed artwork
- Tear-away label, Oeko-Tex certified, ethically sourced US cotton; made in Nicaragua
Care instructions
- Non-chlorine: bleach as needed
- Do not iron
- Do not dryclean
- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)
- Tumble dry: low heat
EU representative: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY
Product information: Gildan 5000, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC
Warnings, Hazard: For adults, Made in Nicaragua
Care instructions: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), Non-chlorine: bleach as needed, Tumble dry: low heat, Do not iron, Do not dryclean